On the path… still
“It’s lonely to feel like you’re not getting anywhere, when you feel like your priorities are different from those of the people around you. If my heart isn’t in it, it’s a lonely endeavor.”
Those lines from Vienna Teng’s forum stuck in my mind. It’s true.. I do feel lonely sometimes, in the midst of so many people. She is brave to have taken the step from programming to trying to live on her music, but then she has this amazing talent, which I think will take her wherever she wants to go. Me, I only have this yearning to do more, be more… but take feeble steps, if any. Have I given up? No. But the path is unfolding in a much different way than I imagined six years ago.
Life takes these little turns and sometimes the best you can do is just follow. Experience the edges of every bend. I still don’t know where I will end up, but I feel I have a stronger internal voice telling me when I’m off track than I had back then. And that’s keeping me sane.
It’s a gray week, this week away from work, and it’s speeding way too fast. As usual I had these grand plans for all I’d get done, but now I’m happy if I have time to clean the apartment before my relatives come to visit on Sunday.
I got home at 5.40 this morning, after having been to the Journalists’ union club dinner and then going to KGB afterwards. Not having to get up early, I joined Erik and Emilie to Chris’ place, where also Santtu showed up. Late night food is not to be underestimated, and eating fried potatoes, sausage and eggs from a pan with five forks is a nice way to while away the small hours. I stayed until the subway started going again.
Coming home K was a bit upset I hadn’t told him I was going to be late. He had missed my message on Sklommon, and I felt bad. He had been awake worrying about me.